Operation: Retaliation
by nightpheonix
Summary: Weir, McKay, Zelenka, and Sheppard exact revenge on Kavanaugh. You KNOW you want to read this… [COMPLETE]
1. Phase 1: Gathering the Troops

A/N: A three-part short. I know this chapter's kinda boring, but I promise it'll get much better! It's been in the works since "Letters from Pegasus." I wanted it to take place after "The Siege," so I waited until the new season, and then it required a total rewriting because Ford was a major character. But I'm sure you don't care, _so_ without further ado, here's the Kavanaugh-bashing fic you've all been waiting for:

* * *

**Operation: Retaliation**

**Phase 1: Gathering the Troops**

"_I_ say we just throw him off a balcony."

Elizabeth Weir stopped dead in her tracks outside McKay's lab. Half-horrified, half-curious, she crouched down and silently crept up to the doorway, listening intently to the conversation going on inside.

"But that's not nearly humiliating enough," Sheppard countered.

"Screw humiliating him, let's just do him in and be done with it. Besides, no one will ever find a body that way," Rodney continued.

Weir heard the scrape of a chair, indicating the colonel uneasily shuffling away from the astrophysicist. "You really scare me sometimes, McKay."

"You are lucky," Zelenka piped up. "You do not have to take orders from him."

"Well, I still don't think we should stoop as low as murder. After all, we'd become felons and likely be shipped back to Earth to serve life in prison," John reasoned.

Elizabeth couldn't hear what Rodney said next, but she could have sworn he'd muttered, "It'd still be worth it."

"Why not just shove him into a suspended animation pod for a few thousand years?" Radek suggested.

"Or expose him to the nanite virus!"

"What did I tell you about murder, Rodney? And Zelenka, remember, we're aiming for humiliation here," Sheppard reminded the other two.

"I notice you're not coming up with any brilliant suggestions," McKay snapped.

"Hey, I was all for stringing him up by his ankles from the stargate, but _you_ were the one who had to get all homicidal on me and add the incoming wormhole!"

"I liked the idea with the puddlejumper 'accidentally' running out of power while in orbit," Zelenka said in a wistful voice.

"But he doesn't have the gene and we wouldn't want to trap some poor pilot in the jumper alone with the bastard," the colonel said in a bored voice.

In spite of herself, Weir couldn't help but smile at the three's plotting. Amateurs, all of them. She decided to show them how you _really_ planned a payback. Standing up, she cleared her throat loudly in the doorway and cheerily greeted, "Gentlemen."

McKay, Zelenka, and Sheppard all turned around, an identical looks on each of their faces of terrified deer being caught in the headlights of a particularly large, speeding Mack truck. She flashed them a sunny smile and their eyes grew even wider, if that was possible. Radek and Rodney began to edge out of their seats to get better footing on the floor in case a mad dash for their lives was necessary.

John recovered first. "Elizabeth," he acknowledged, clearing his throat.

"Rodney, John, I've been looking for you everywhere. Your radios are turned off. Didn't you two remember the mission briefing we were supposed to have an hour ago?" she asked pointedly.

Taking this as an excellent exit cue, McKay scrambled out of his chair. "Oh, we must've lost track of time. We should be getting going. Colonel, why don't we--"

"Yes, excellent idea," Sheppard fervently agreed, jumping up from his seat. Zelenka looked up at the other two desperately, not wanting to face the wrath of Weir alone.

Fortunately for Radek, Elizabeth cut short their escape. "What were you doing that was so important you forgot about your mission?" _God_ these were the moments when she loved her job.

"We were—we just--" stammered Rodney.

Radek came to his rescue. "We were discussing strategies in hand-to-hand combat with the Wraith!"

"Is that so?" she asked skeptically. The men put on unconvincing smiles and nodded. "Then why, pray tell, would you want to humiliate a Wraith rather than kill it?"

It was John who spoke up this time. "Well, if we wanted to capture a Wraith for, uh, _scientific purposes_, then it'd be of no use to us dead."

"I see…" she said, arching an eyebrow.

After a short pause, McKay turned to the colonel. "We should..." he began, pointing to the exit.

"Yes, let's," John agreed. The two made for the door.

"I'll come!" Zelenka called frantically, starting to stand up.

"Stay where you are, all of you!" Weir commanded harshly. The others cringed and returned to where they'd been sitting before. "So who were you really talking about?" she darkly asked, even though she already knew. Come on…who _didn't_ feel that way about him?

"Kavanaugh," the all answered in unison, spitting the name like it was something foul-tasting.

"I am _appalled_ at you three!" Weir scolded. They looked down in shame, their faces growing ever redder. "I'd expect you to have more maturity than resorting to trapping Dr. Kavanaugh in a stasis pod, or-or-or hanging him upside down from the stargate!" McKay and Sheppard were slouching over further with every word, and Radek had slid almost all the way out of the chair, trying to make himself as small as possible.

"He deserves something _much_ more sinister than that," Elizabeth continued. This caught the men's attention. They all snapped up, staring at her with a mixture of confusion and relief.

"So that means you--" McKay started in amazement.

"Oh yes. That bastard's been a pain in my ass as much as he has been in yours." The three looked quite impressed. None of them had ever heard Dr. Weir use that much profanity when talking about a person. Hell, none of them had ever heard her use that much profanity _period_!

Elizabeth smiled thinly. She didn't use revenge very often, frankly it wasn't her style, but _damn_ it felt good! Oh, did she have a plan. It had been in the works since shortly after the puddlejumper-stuck-in-the-gate business. It made her giggle just thinking about it.

"So here's my idea…"


	2. Phase 2: Suspended Until Further Notice

A/N: The insanity returns! I'm glad you guys like this so much! This chapter is so much better than the previous one, but personally, I think that Elizabeth's finishing touch in the next chapter is great! Muahaha…

Oh, something I forgot… _Disclaimer:_ I don't own Atlantis, McKay, Elizabeth, Zelenka, Sheppard, (but I wish I did), and I don't own Kavanaugh (but I'm glad I don't).

* * *

**Phase 2: Suspended Until Further Notice**

"Elizabeth, are you sure this is going to work?" McKay asked uncertainly.

"No," she admitted, "but if it doesn't you're still going to get a chance to annoy the hell out of Kavanaugh in the process."

This cleared up the few doubts Rodney had about the success of the plan.

They had moved their meeting to the control room, which had now become their center of operations. The four of them were in an exceptionally good mood—the idea of getting to piss Kavanaugh off was enough to put a smile on anyone's face.

Zelenka was working at one of the consoles, pulling up a schematic of the city. Dozens of little dots popped up on screen. Quickly, he scanned the life-signs map. "We're in luck," he reported with a vindictive smile, "He's in his lab." Radek's smile was immediately echoed of the faces of the other three.

"Okay, you know the plan," Elizabeth addressed the men, "so let's go out there and give him what he's got coming!"

A group cheer and a round of applause ensued, as everyone ran off to their respective stations.

Let the madness begin.

* * *

McKay walked down the hall to Kavanaugh's lab. He was trying as hard as possible to keep from laughing at the mere thought of Elizabeth's plan. Boy, was it a good one. He'd had no idea she could be so…_vengeful_. He made a mental note never to make her angry more than was absolutely necessary.

But let's not dwell on such serious thoughts now. He had a mission to pull off!

He arrived in front of the door outside Kavanaugh's lab and made one last hopeless chance to get serious and make this as convincing as possible.

"Kavanaugh!" he barked before the door even finished sliding open.

The addressed was sitting at his desk, hunched over a sphere-shaped Ancient device. He held a screwdriver in one hand and was using the other to hold the machine steady. As soon as he heard the call he froze, screwdriver hovering in midair, glaring nastily at Rodney.

"Yes?" he hissed through clenched teeth, obviously not happy about being interrupted.

"Zelenka's found something down in a lab in section J2. He's going on about...well, I don't really understand Czech very well, but I got the idea that it was pretty important. I need you to go down there and help him do whatever it is that needs to be done."

Kavanaugh rolled his eyes and dropped the screwdriver. "Can't you go yourself?"

"Yes I could, once I get back from going offworld, and finish examining an Ancient artifact I found on M6K-233, and supervising Dr. Kusanagi's latest project, and about a dozen other things." Despite his sarcastic attitude, Rodney felt a grin begin to creep onto his face.

_Oh, God, oh **God,**__I'm going to laugh_. McKay could already feel the giggle rising in his throat. _I **told** Elizabeth I can't bluff. I **told** her that she should have given this assignment to Radek!_

Normally he would have been able to keep from laughing long enough to say what he needed to say. But the inability to lie combined with the thought of Kavanaugh's fate was too much. He bit his lip to hold back the smile.

_Think of something depressing! Think of death, think of torture, think of—gah, not working!_

If Kavanaugh noticed anything strange, he didn't show it. "So when should I go down there?" he asked petulantly, knowing very well that McKay usually wanted things done immediately.

"Uh, gee, let's see, does five minutes ago work for you?" Rodney snapped, looking at his watch for dramatic effect (Actually, it was to keep from staring Kavanaugh in the face, which would surely break his resolve).

Scowling, the soon-to-be victim stood up and began to stalk out the door, purposely going as slow as possible to anger McKay. If he had walked a little faster, the whole confrontation that followed could have been avoided.

_Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't do it, don't—_

He was almost out the door when Rodney let out a giant snort.

_Ah,** shit!**_

Kavanaugh turned around and fixed McKay with a glare. "What's so funny?" he asked suspiciously.

Rodney bit his lip, failing miserably to suppress the hysterical giggle which would inevitably come. "Nothi--" The word was cut off mid-syllable by a short burst of laughter.

"Are you mocking me?" Kavanaugh spat.

"No! Not at all. It's just…a joke. Yeah. Colonel Sheppard told me a really funny joke earlier and I was just…thinking. About it. Yeah." Another snort.

Kavanaugh saw right threw the miserable attempt at bluffing. "Let's hear it."

This sobered McKay up pretty quickly. "Er, what?"

"The joke. Tell the joke."

McKay frantically scanned his memories for the funniest joke he knew. _Goddammit, who knew the idiot had a sense of humor! Jokes? I don't know any jokes!_

After coming up empty, McKay started the only way he could think of: "Okay, so, a guy walks into a bar…"

After a five second pause, a thoroughly irritated Kavanaugh prompted "Yes…?"

"A guy walks into a bar…and says 'ouch!'" McKay finished triumphantly before letting out another bout of laughter.

Kavanugh stared owlishly at McKay. "What?"

"Get it? Bar. Ouch. It hurts when you walk into a…bar." Kavanaugh was still giving him a crazy look. "Oh, never mind. Humor is lost on you. Sheppard tells it so much funnier."

If Kavanaugh held any suspicions about the project he had been given, he didn't let it stop him from going. He slunk out the door and down the hall, leaving Rodney standing alone in his lab.

As soon as he was out of earshot, McKay grabbed his radio. "Colonel! If Kavnaugh asks you to tell him the joke you told me, say, 'a guy walks into a bar and says ouch.' And make it sound as funny as possible."

"'A guy walks into a bar…'" Sheppard repeated slowly, obviously trying to comprehend the meaning of the joke. "What did you do, McKay?" he suddenly asked accusingly.

"Nothing! I just…kinda…sorta…startedtolaughwhiletalkingtohim." He said the entire last part in one breath.

"You didn't!"

"Don't worry, I think he bought my cover story!" Rodney quickly defended. "And what does it matter if he did or didn't? He's on his way."

A rush of static from the radio, indicating a long, drawn-out sigh. "Okay, McKay, fine, just get your ass down here."

"Yes, yes, over and out."

* * *

Radek bustled around the lab, putting the final touches on the booby trap. He had hauled some Ancient control console in from another lab to make the ruse look convincing. Maybe after this whole operation was finished, he'd come back down here and find out what it did. But now he had to stay focused!

Frankly, Elizabeth's attitude towards Kavanaugh had surprised him a little. She'd always seemed so…well, so dignified. But under that composed exterior lay a mischievous, darker side. She could be really devious when she wanted, as demonstrated by this complex, multi-stage plan.

Looking around, he made sure everything was set, and let out a small, surprised "Oh!" when he saw the window closed. Just as he slid it open, the intended prey skulked in.

"Something you needed my help with?" Kavanaugh asked sullenly.

Fortunately, Zelenka was a much better liar than McKay was. It was an acquired art. "Yes," he said, a hint of a scowl on his face. "I cannot get this _malý_ thing to power up."

Kavanaugh smiled triumphantly. "So you need _my_ help."

Radek gritted his teeth. _The things I must endure…_"Yes. Now please work—or are you too incompetent to figure it out?"

Taking the insult as a challenge, Kavanaugh let out an indignant huff and walked over the control console. As soon as he touched the machine, he let out a giant whoop. A carefully hidden noose tightened around his ankle when he hit the invisible trip-wire.

Zelenka yelled "Now!" into his radio.

From the balcony above the lab, Colonel Sheppard yanked down on a rope. A complicated pulley system hauled the victim up by his ankle, out the laboratory window, and left him dangling from the balcony, over two hundred feet over the ocean.

Kavanaugh spouted obscenities loudly as he swayed gently in the sea breeze. "I _demand_ to be let down _at once!_" he hollered between bursts of cursing.

"Suit yourself, Kavanaugh," John said with a smile, allowing the rope to drop a couple feet.

Kavanaugh screeched as he plummeted momentarily downwards. "Up! Lift me up immediately!" he demanded fearfully, seeing that he was in serious trouble.

Just then, McKay arrived in the lab to see him hanging upside-down in the window. Zelenka was laughing so hard his glasses had steamed up, and was doubled over. Rodney, finally able to let out his laughter, had to grab onto the control panel to keep from falling onto the floor. Fortunately for Kavanaugh, Sheppard was able to control his hysterics long enough to maintain a tight grip on the rope to keep the victim from plunging into the ocean.

* * *

Weir watched the proceedings from the window in her office. She would have loved to have been there along with the other three, to see the look on the slimy little weasel's face. But alas, she had to maintain her impartiality as the commander of Atlantis.

She wasn't a particularly big fan of violence and practical jokes, but if the entire plan was going to work, it was necessary. Besides, this was the kind of revenge the men wanted: physical humiliation. Hers was a much more subtle type of revenge. She much preferred the last stage…

If anyone had walked by her office right then, they wouldn't have recognized the sincerely sinister cackle coming from inside the room. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, as the saying goes.


	3. Phase 3:Women do most delight in revenge

A/N: Well, I finally came up with something devious enough for the ending. This was so much fun to write! And now this story's been nominated for a Stargate Fan Award! I'm so honored, and I owe it all to you guys. Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews (and nominates!), YOU GUYS ALL MAKE MY DAY! Perhaps more Kavanaugh bashing is in order in the future…  
The chapter title quote is by Sir Thomas Browne.

* * *

**Phase 3: "Women do most delight in revenge."**

He'd finally had it. The last straw. He couldn't take another minute of it.

Kavanaugh stormed into Weir's office, making a great show of impatience by crossing his arms and tapping his foot. However, she paid this little heed, looking up from her laptop with clear disinterest.

She opened her mouth to acknowledge his presence, but he cut her off. "I'm taking you up on your offer."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Kavanaugh?" she asked innocently, pretending she didn't know what he was talking about.

"I'm taking you up on you offer," he repeated sullenly. "A year ago you told me you would send me to, quote, 'a very lonely planet where I can be as self-important as I want to be,' unquote. I don't care where I go, as long as it's anywhere but here."

"That wasn't an offer so much as a threat," she reminded him harshly.

Kavanaugh's glare clearly read, _Too bad_. "Well you said you were being serious. I'm sick of all that I have to put up with here, I'm sick of constantly being painted as the scapegoat for all our problems, and most of all, I'm sick of people who treat me like some sort of village idiot!"

Weir blinked, surprised that, "and I'm sick of you," hadn't been added to that list. After an emphatic pause, she skeptically drawled, "Okaaaay…you're going to have to give me some reasons _why_ you want to leave Atlantis. I'm not about to authorize your leaving without sufficient--"

He didn't even let her finish, just plowed right in. "For one think, I can't stand Dr. McKay. He…"

Kavanaugh droned on…and on… and on… Elizabeth's eyes glazed over as she thought, _It's a pity we can't just throw him on some planet and leave him there for good instead of letting him come back._

"…so is that reason enough for you?" he finished several minutes later.

Elizabeth shook herself out of her trance. "Hmm? Oh, yes."

Kavanaugh blinked a few times. "Really?" he asked hopefully. He didn't actually think Weir would agree to it. What luck!

She heaved a great, theatrical sigh. "Well, if you seriously feel that way…"

"Which I do!"

"…then I'd rather have you..."

He didn't even stay to hear her complete the statement or find out where his was going, very nearly skipping out of the room (a thoroughly disturbing sight…). She very nearly burst out laughing then and there. The sucker suspected nothing.

Word about Kavanaugh's departure spread through the city like wildfire, generally accepted as the best thing to ever happen to any of them. It wasn't long before the news reached the ears of Colonel Stephen Caldwell, just arriving on the Daedelus.

Shortly after finding out, he strode into Weir's office and stood in front of her desk. "Dr. Weir, am I hearing right that you are allowing an expedition member, a Dr. Nigel Kavanaugh to leave the city and live on a planet on his own?" he asked with an air of accusation.

"Yes, that's correct," she replied, almost brightly.

"Normally I wouldn't authorize this," he said stiffly, frowning.

"Trust me," Elizabeth assured, "This will solve a lot of problems."

The colonel arched an eyebrow. "Dr. Kavanaugh has done nothing but complain, as far as I can see. I do not want to have to deal with more of his griping about your command decisions and irresponsibility. Frankly, what you're doing doesn't do much to dispel his claims."

She smiled thinly. "Colonel, I'm sure you won't have to deal with Kavanaugh complaining for a while after this," she said dryly, handing him a report.

Caldwell scanned it quickly. As he read, the barest hints of a smile reached his face. He gave the report back, said, "Good day, doctor," and left.

Two hours later, Kavanaugh stepped through the stargate without looking back once.

As soon as the wormhole deactivated, everyone in Atlantis let out a simultaneous cheer.

Standing in the control room, Weir watched him leave, a small, triumphant smirk on her face. When she turned around, she saw all three of her co-conspirators staring at her slack jawed.

"Wow," was all McKay managed to spit out. The others nodded in agreement.

"What?" she asked, acting like she had no idea what they were so amazed about.

"What a plan," John complimented.

Elizabeth beamed. "Thank you, John. I've been working on it for quite some time; I just never thought I'd get the chance to use it."

"_I_ never thought that he'd actually fall for it. He didn't suspect a thing!" Rodney gaped, finally managing to find his voice.

"Why didn't my plans for getting rid of him ever work that well?" Zelenka mused darkly.

"We're never going to have to deal with him again!" McKay cheered.

"Well, Rodney, I hate to burst your bubble, but I think we'll bee seeing Kavanaugh back here very soon…"

The three men looked crestfallen.

"We are?" Radek asked, sounding as if his birthday had been cancelled.

Weir motioned for men to come over to the dialing computer. They leaned in and looked at the set of symbols for the planet where they had sent Kavanaugh.

Sheppard recognized the address first. "Is that…?"

"That's the one."

Zelenka stared at it a little longer, and then realization dawned. "Oh!" He looked between the dialing computer and Elizabeth, an expression somewhere between awe and hilarity on his face. "_Zatracený_!" he swore, clearly impressed.

"What? Where is that? What am I missing here?" Rodney asked, the only one left out of the loop.

Elizabeth told him.

The thought on the men's minds at that moment was, _**Damn**, she's good_.

For almost eight hours, the stargate remained inactive. Those eight hours were generally credited as the best (and quietest) time the Atlantis expedition had ever seen.

Eventually, the techie called over the intercom, "Incoming wormhole." A few seconds later, he reported, "Receiving Dr. Kavanaugh's IDC."

Elizabeth heard the groan from everyone in the control room clearly from her office. She however, was not disappointed at the return. Oh, was this going to be good.

The barely-recognizable figure stomped (or rather, squished) straight from the gateroom amid stifled giggles into Weir's office. She continued to look down at her laptop, pretending not to notice the figure's wet entrance. Ah, the sweet smell of victory…or could it have been the smell of swamp water?

The figure sloshed its way up to her desk so she could no longer ignore its presence. Savoring the moment, she looked slowly upwards...

…and very nearly lost her calm composure in a fit of hysterical laughter.

Kavanaugh was covered from head to toe in a green slime that appeared to be some sort of pond scum. His glasses were askew and one of the lenses was cracked beyond repair. What used to be an Atlantis jacket was now barely held-together tatters of grey and blue fabric. Basically, he looked like hell. And he looked really, _really_ furious.

Fortunately, Elizabeth was much better at controlling her laughter than a certain Canadian Chief Scientific Officer. She seamlessly changed her expression to one of surprise.

"Dr. Kavanaugh, you're back" she intoned obviously. "What hap--?"

"M1M-316," Kavanaugh spat, interrupting her question.

"Yes, that's where I sent you," she replied evenly. She pulled up a report on her laptop and pretended to scan it. "Sergeant Stackhouse scouted it out about three months ago. Uninhabited, lush surroundings, no sign of the Wraith..."

"What you _failed_ to tell me was that we had scouted this planet as a potential Alpha Site. Do you know _why_ we didn't use it?"

"Enlighten me," Elizabeth said, clasping her hands together on the desk in front of her.

"_Because_ it just happens to be the habitat of a family of cranky _Tyrannosaurus rex_!"

Weir put on flabbergasted look, as if this had been news to her. "Really?" she asked.

Kavanaugh scowled loudly. "Yes, really!" When this drew no reaction, he continued. "Not even an hour after I arrived on the planet, as I was setting up camp, I _stumbled_ onto a nest of eggs. Not suspecting that anything was amiss," at this he shot Weir an even nastier glower than the one he was already wearing, "I naturally went to examine them. When I was done, I walked into a forest, when I was suddenly dashing for my life from the insane mother dinosaur!" He did not notice Elizabeth's quiet cough to cover her laughter, and plowed onward. "I only barely escaped with my _life_, and then was completely lost, so I spent the ensuing five hours wandering around in a _swamp_ trying to hide from the mother, and make my way back to the gate!"

He went on for a minute or so more, detailing how as he was dialing the gate he nearly became a meal again, this time for both the mother and the father, and only escaped because apparently the dinosaurs didn't like their meat flavored with swamp muck. When he finished his monologue, Elizabeth's eyes clearly showed little sympathy, her face a stony mask saying, _And what do you expect me to do about this?_ The two had a stare-off for a second or two, before Kavanaugh began blinking furiously, swamp water having dripped into his eyes.

As he viciously rubbed at the irritation, she said neutrally, "Well, you _did_ ask to be sent off world, and you wanted an uninhabited planet…"

He froze. "So now this is my fault?" he hissed icily. Suddenly, he was hit with the sense that the cranky female dinosaur wasn't the only woman attempting to do him in today.

She allowed herself a grin that was just barely condescending. "I seem to recall you running out of my office before I could give you any information on the planet you were sent to."

He blustered for a second, and then realized that she was completely correct. But he was not going to let this go down without a fight. "I'm not the one whose ignorance of the planet led to a bad remake of 'Jurassic Park', _Doctor_." He emphasized the title, as if her PhD was not as intelligent as his.

Now sufficiently angered, Weir swooped in for the kill. "_Doctor_ Kavanaugh," she used the same emphasis to highlight his own ignorance, "I do believe that you have been unhappy with each new development since you arrived in Atlantis. Even when you get your way, it is not to your liking. Now, this leads me to believe that either you are purposely trying to land those you don't like into trouble, or you are simply complaining to ensure that no one will ever confuse you with someone with an IQ over 100! Obviously, this incident was unforeseen, but you brought it on _yourself_. _You_ wanted to go off world, _you_ didn't care where you went, _you_ were the one who aggravated the dinosaur." She paused for a second, allowing this to sink in. Then, in a deceptively calm tone, she nearly whispered, "Now what do you expect me to do about it?"

Kavanaugh was utterly blown away by this harangue. He tried for a biting response, but none came out. He couldn't even manage a 'This still isn't over' sneer.

She smiled thinly. All of a sudden, she whipped out a stopwatch and pressed the button. She turned around in her chair, calling, "Seven hours, thirty six minutes, and twenty five seconds."

Kavanaugh frowned, blinking owlishly. _What was that about?_

Suddenly, a voice with a thick Czech accent cheered, "Yes!" Then, Sheppard, McKay, and Zelenka all burst out of Elizabeth's storage closet, quickly disentangling themselves. Zelenka, apparently victorious, began waving about a slip of paper with "5 hours, 45 minutes" written on it, grinning triumphantly.

McKay sulked and stared at his own piece of paper. "I could have _sworn_ he'd just last an hour!"

Sheppard shrugged. "I only gave him thirty minutes."

"Looks like you won Radek," Weir said resignedly, but with a small smile. "I guessed three and a half hours."

"You—you—you _knew_ what was on the planet! You were betting on how long I'd be gone! You did this all on _purpose_!"

She turned back around and faced the thoroughly flabbergasted and gaping Kavanaugh. "I have no idea what you're talking about, doctor," she said, perfectly straight-faced. "I expect a full report on my desk tomorrow morning."

Curiously enough, Kavanaugh didn't complain about Weir, McKay, Zelenka, or Colonel Sheppard for many weeks afterward, and soon applied for transfer to the Daedelus. No one could say they were surprised.


End file.
